Communicating is easy for some people. They just seem to have a natural flair for conversation. They listen well and have a strong sense of confidence, or even a charisma, that endears them to others.
But how do the rest of us learn how to communicate with others?
There have been seven things I have found that people have that need in order to communicate well with others.
Good people skills start with confidence. When you have confidence, it shows. It attracts others to you like a magnet, because on some level, your self-confident attitude shows that you’re worth other people’s time and effort to get to know.
A person with a strong sense of self tends to move quickly past the small talk to invite everyone into the heart of the conversation. A self-confident person makes others feel better about themselves.
When two people make eye contact, effective communication is possible. It also lends credibility to what you say.
Many people make the mistake of talking too much about themselves. Nothing kills a conversation faster than rambling on about oneself. Having good communication skills means you have the ability to get others to talk about themselves, instead of making them listen to you.
Showing interest in them helps the other person feel more at ease and boosts his or her confidence. It also creates a situation where the other person feels obligated to reciprocate. Talking about themselves for a while tends to make people want to return the favour by asking you a question and then listening as you speak. But remember to keep your end of the conversation short if you want it to continue.
One of the quickest routes to an awkward silence is asking questions that can be answered yes or no. By asking a more open-ended question – something requiring a more detailed answer – you encourage the other person to elaborate and offer more information. This makes them feel good about themselves – and about you, because you seem so interested in what they have to say.
Instead of asking, "Are you enjoying yourself?" ask a more open-ended question like, "What do you think of this mix?"
Part of effective communication is learning how to phrase questions that make the other person think.
When you ask a thoughtful question, one thing leads to another and in a short time, stories are shared and the ice is broken.
A conversation is not an interrogation. It’s about give-and-take. So one question and answer at a time is a good rule of thumb for effective communication.
When asking someone's name, repeat it immediately. Saying a name aloud helps to cement it in your memory. Use the person's name often over the course of the conversation. After all, the most powerful words in any language are a person’s name! This is particularly useful in the studio with four or more people and you can communicate using their name instead of just 'the bassist'.
As the old saying goes: "You have two ears and one mouth for a reason: so listen twice as much as you speak."
So while the other person is talking, give him or her your undivided attention. Don't be thinking of what you're going to say next, or you’re likely to miss what the person is saying. That can be lead to bigger embarrassment than asking too many questions.
Stay focused, absorb the information given, and find a way to follow up with a question relevant to the subject the other person is discussing. After all, they’re offering you information, so it’s rude not to show an interest in it by failing to ask a follow-up question – even if it’s as simple as, “So how did you feel when that happened?”
Take an active interest in what this person is interested in. If it's a subject you know nothing about, use that to your advantage – to find out more about the subject.
Admit it’s not a familiar topic. Would she mind telling you more about it? People love to share what they know and nothing increases confidence more than sharing a subject close to your heart.
Effective communication begins and ends with knowledge. A well-rounded individual is a fascinating one. People who travel, read or are aware of current events are a joy to talk to. The more life experience a person has, the better he or she can relate to others – if they remember not to hog the conversation, keeping the spotlight on them for much too long.
So make sure you’re a well-read, well-traveled, multi-faceted person yourself, and you’ll find that conversations in which you participate will usually flow quite easily.
True self-worth is synonymous with confidence. That means that a person doesn’t alter their feelings of self-worth in the face of other people’s reactions. Still, some people are afraid to take a chance because they fear rejection, and rejection can make some people feel inferior.
In reality, rejection does not change one's self-worth. You are still the same person, as valuable and important as you were before you entered the conversation.
No one can take your self-worth away from you; only you can do that. Rejection is an illusion until it actually happens – and even then, you control how you feel about it. So why spend time worrying about a "what if" situation?
Take a chance and keep trying for what you want. It's only a matter of time before you get it. The only way to learn good communication skills is by practicing. Hanging back in the shadows and playing it safe leads nowhere.
Learning to communicate well with people takes time to develop and everyone will advance at his or her own pace. Start small; become comfortable with each of these steps one at a time.
Effective communication begins with confidence – the thread that binds everything else together. Each encounter helps boost your confidence and diversify your experiences. A good place to practice these new people skills is the office or in the store.
After it has become easier to speak with peers, try talking to people in higher positions of power, such as managers. In no time, the skills you taught yourself regarding how to communicate with people will become second nature and won't require any thought at all. Talking to someone like the CEO of a major company will be a breeze.
Nobody ever said learning how to communicate with people would be easy. For some, mustering the confidence required will be a huge step.
This is probably the most difficult part, but once you take that step, the rest will fall into place. Have faith in yourself and know that you’re as worthy as the next person.
Effective communication is an important skill, since it’s the key to future success and advancement in practically every aspect of life.